Calamity Chicks 2.2

This scene from Chloe's Chaos features most of the major players. Have fun.

    Something happened to Drew that summer in France. He’d picked up a sophisticated air, talking about drinking espressos in bars. His style had changed considerably, with long, floppy hair and an arty scarf which he kept on until one of the teachers demanded he remove it. His mannerisms were similarly flamboyant, and when he called her Chloebelle, she giggled. “That’s not my name.”
    “It so is. Chloe Bell, see. And belle means beautiful in French, which is what you are. When I’m a famous fashion designer, you’ll be my muse.”
    “You mean with wings and a harp?” She loved stories of Roman and Greek gods.
    “No.” He grinned, acknowledging her meaning. “My inspiration. You have the perfect figure and looks for a model, and I will dress you in fabulous clothes. The world will fete us and I will drink champagne from your slipper.”
    She giggled at his dramatic gestures. “It better be made of glass, otherwise it’ll just leak out.”
    “I never had you down as Cinderella.” He fluffed out her hair and held it above her head, dragging down a couple of curls at her ears. “Now you mention it, I can see you in a princess style with tons of chiffon.”
    “Which would make you her fairy godmother.”
    They jumped at Justin’s words – neither had heard his approach. His next words deprived her of deniable plausibility.     “Hi, Chloe. I finally remembered where I’d met you.” His grin smacked of lascivious leer. “You always enjoyed being a princess to my prince charming. Aren’t you going to introduce your fashion consultant? I must say, seeing you at the party, he’s doing a grand job.”
    Drew let go of her hair, his face wobbling as he stood back, folding his arms.
    Caught wrong-footed, she played for time “Drew, this is Justin. And this is my … friend, Drew.” She dropped the “very good” at the last minute, but the tiny pause had Justin raising an eyebrow.
    “Boyfriend?” He leaned closer, using a stage whisper. “Or girlfriend?”
    “Don’t be mean,” vied with “None of your business” in her head, but all she managed was, “Where’s Helen?”
    “Who?”
    “Your girlfriend.”
    “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” His wink said otherwise as he strutted off.
    Drew’s face was one big question mark as she tried to go for a suitable explanation.
    “I – I met him–”
    “No need to explain.”
    “Yes there is. We were playing kids games. You know, cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians.”
    “With all those princes and princesses.” His dry tone and sceptical expression compelled her to elaborate.
    “With his cousin and my friend, Tina. A few years ago.”
    “If you say so.”
    “I do.” Why wouldn’t he believe her, and why was it so important he did?
    “Listen, Chloebelle, it doesn’t matter. But he looks like bad news and he’s obviously got his mind set on you. I’d warn you to watch out, but it’s not my place.”
    “Of course it’s your place, Drew Masters. Don’t you know you’re my best friend in the whole world–”
    “Apart from Janet and Penny.” He seemed determined to make her feel bad and she had no clue how to convince him of her loyalty. His face was close and it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to press her lips to his.
    Big mistake. Huge.
    He pulled back as though reacting to a slap instead of a kiss and she shrivelled inside, stumbling away from the expression on his face.

    Penny found her in the loos. “Did Janet find you?”
    “Why?”
    “She’s mad as hell – said if she found you she’d give you a warning you wouldn’t forget in a hurry. I didn’t think she meant physical violence, though.”
    “What?” With a sniff, Chloe swiped at her eyes. “What am I supposed to have done?”
    “Made a play for Helen’s boyfriend, that’s all. Nothing major.” Her tone said the opposite.
    She gulped. “I didn’t.” Her voice sounded weak.
    “We all saw you giving him ‘the look’ at the party.”
    “I didn’t know he was going out with Helen.” And he made out to Drew that he wasn’t.
    “I don’t believe it was just innocent childhood games between you two. There was obviously something more – he couldn’t keep his eyes off you.”
    “Except when he was practically making out with Helen on the dance floor.” Why would no one believe her?
    The door burst open and Janet strode in. “What’s going on here?” She rounded on Penny. “What did you tell her?”
    “Just that we didn’t believe her story about meeting Justin at some fictitious den.”
    “I can show you.”
    “Right. We’ll be waiting by the gates, and it better be real if you know what’s good for you.”
    The bell called them back to lessons and she was never so glad to be in a maths class with no one glaring at her, calling her a liar.

    They were waiting for her, joined by Helen and an even grimmer-faced girl everyone knew of as a right hard case. No words were exchanged as they virtually frog-marched her through the small estate past Oakfield Junior School.
    But the worst possible thing happened when they reached Copperford Park – the den was gone. As the older girls swapped triumphant looks, she tried to get her bearings – it was just past the gardens on the left. Wasn’t it? Tina had always found the hidden entrance, and Chloe never took much notice.
    “I knew you were lying.” Helen scowled. “Confess – what really happened?” All four glared in unison.
    Feeling like a criminal, Chloe couldn’t think straight. She closed her eyes, fearing the worst.

    Willing the memories to come back, she tried seeing the route from Tina’s house in her mind and realised they would have come in a different entrance. She needed something which would put it all into context. Opening her eyes, she spotted the old factory roof and took off.
    Oblivious to the startled shouts, she ran. The element of surprise meant she reached the area with enough time to spot the yew tree hiding the entrance. She darted behind it just as Helen’s friend, Charlie, reached out to grab her.
    “Watch out for the root.” Her warning came just in time, but the butch girl’s momentum had her sliding down the slope.     Chloe grabbed her arm to steady her.
    Charlie whooped. “What a ride. Thanks kid. Looks like you weren’t lying after all.” She ran back up to direct the others in, helping them past the tricky bit. They peered at the scene out of a Tolkien novel: wild, overgrown and full of dangers for the unwary.
    Helen strode up, folding her arms. “Okay, so you weren’t lying about this place, but what actually happened here? And don’t bull me about cowboys and Indians.”
    “It started off as that. Tina and I joined in with Justin and Danny – his cousin.”
    “He’s never mentioned him.”
    “They didn’t get on. Justin …” She glanced away.
    “Spit it out. I know he’s no angel.”
    “He used to boss him around. And poor Tina – he always made her and Danny be the bad guys.”
    “I’m getting the picture. So you were the princess and he fought past the other two to rescue you.”
    She nodded. “It was thrilling – he brought along swords and guns and made it really exciting.”
    “So what aren’t you telling me?”
    “Nothing. I swear, that’s everything.”
    “Did he do anything when he rescued you?” Her intense glare said she knew.
    “Once. He demanded a reward. A kiss – just a peck.”
    “That’s it? He didn’t lay a hand on either of you?”
    “What? No!” She flinched. “I promise, it wasn’t like that. Why do you ask?”
    “Fair enough. I had to ask. There was a rumour of a boy forcing young girls to show their knickers.”
    Chloe cringed. “Gross. Well he certainly didn’t do that to us – we only played with them for a few weeks.”
    “I’m sorry to put you through it, but I need to know what kind of boy I’m going out with. Do you fancy him?”
    Chloe shrugged. “What do you think? He’s handsome and charming, and what a mover! But now I know he’s yours, I wouldn’t touch him with a barge pole.”
    Charlie chuckled. “Now that’s something you might wanna try, Hel.”

Calamity Chicks 2.1

The second book in the series is Chloe’s Chaos – here’s a little more about it.

Disappointment, Despair, Betrayal
Chloe’s checkered past is coming back to bite her. After years as a people pleaser, easily swayed by strong personalities, she’s looking back at her poor life choices, resulting in what could be the biggest mistake of her life.
Mean girl? Slag? Blob? All accurate labels as she navigates a dating minefield, leaving behind a trail of guys who she'd (unwittingly) turned into monsters. But she learns something from every one - mostly about what she doesn't want in a partner. And how looks can be deceptive - being the spitting image of Stevie Nicks isn't always an advantage.

Then she does something no true friend would ever do, with the potential to hurt people who’d stuck by her through all her troubles, going out of their way to help and support her.
Was there even a shred of honour or decency left inside her?
Just because Tina was no longer her best friend, did that give Chloe the right to kiss her fiancé? Danny was the only one to get a perfect score on her Rate-a-Mate checklist, and the heart must do what the heart must do – apparently.

This cheeky piece of British nostalgia features a Goldilocks choice, some radical transformations, plenty of girl-power, a couple of unlikely heroes and the nastiest of villains. Feel free to boo and hiss.

Calamity Chicks 1.3

Meet the Cast
Here are some of the main players in Tina's Torment. Most of them appear in one or more other books in the series.

Tina Meredith
Chloe describes her as a bold courageous adventurer, who turns into a what the Chartwell nasties would call a spotty, four-eyed swot. Tina describes herself as: “Tall for my age, heavily built with a tendency toward plumpness, a sallow complexion and perpetually untidy dark hair. There were no saving graces. The ugliness of national-health glasses and braces paled into insignificance compared to my contentious nature – a direct consequence of having to fight for every concession.”
She had real body issues. At ten: “Mum’s hairdresser friend chopped all my hair to the same length – ultra-short. So in my shorts and tee-shirt handed down from Simon, and with my height and build, I must have appeared more male than female.”
At 14: “At I was pleased to be wearing a new skirt and a skinny-rib sweater, the effect being quite flattering. I watched his eyes sweep me up and down in the way I’d seen other men stare at pretty girls – the sensation was gratifying.”

Chloe Bell
Chloe was Tina’s best friend all through junior school, but they drifted apart at high school.
Tina says Chloe was a delightful child – petite and feminine with a delicate, rosy-cheeked beauty, topped by golden curls any Miss Pears would have been proud of. Add a winning smile and compliant nature, and it was easy to see why everyone adored her. Of course, this should have made her utterly insufferable, but she never had to struggle to get her own way, so on the odd occasion she couldn’t win, she accepted defeat with grace.

Justin Palmer
Tina’s first crush – turns out handsome is as handsome does.
Here’s her first impression: “The other one was taller still, slim and obviously in charge. The sun raised highlights in his blond hair, giving him the appearance of a young Greek god, and I felt a peculiar sensation inside.”

Drew Masters
Drew - one of the few boys in their class Chloe could tolerate, describing the rest as far too loud, obnoxious or both. He was different in other ways: stylish, with long, floppy hair and an arty scarf which he kept on until one of the teachers demanded he remove it. His mannerisms were similarly flamboyant.

Danny Thomas
The dark haired, stocky one seemed vaguely familiar – maybe I’d seen him at school. Taller than me, with spotty skin, the dark frown made him mean, moody and tough. I couldn’t decide which boy to write to: the strong, cheerful one I’d sailed a boat with; the gentle, caring one who bought me cheesecake; the silent, moody one who took me to the pictures or the angry, reproachful one who brought me back.

Julie Hart
A nasty piece of work who causes problems for both girls.
Tina’s first encounter didn’t go well. I couldn’t help but be aware of the malevolent glares aimed my way from Julie and her cronies. One of the other girls noticed, warning me she was a notorious bully, and not someone to make an enemy of. Julie leapt to her feet, standing toe-to-toe as she tried to tower over me. “How dare you bring your disgusting lezzie filth in here – you should be banned, you should.” Several lines ran through my mind, tempting me to suggest she wasn’t my type, or comment on what kind of statement her bovver boots and butch haircut made.

Linda Randall
When she got to college, she met Lin, a bubbly, confident girl
In amongst the sea of masculine faces, I spotted one lone female, sitting apart like an outcast. I made a bee-line for the empty seat next to her and our relieved smiles spoke of a common bond. An only child, she lived near Norton, a big town forty miles east. I got the impression her family were well off. She was in digs locally, and they bought her a car so she could go home whenever she wanted.
“I wish I’d got your will-power, but I can’t resist the odd cream cake or bar of chocolate. I’ll always be cuddly, but it’s part of my appeal.”

Calamity Chicks 1.2

 Here's a pivotal scene from Tina's Torment which sets up the entire series. Enjoy. 

    The following summer felt like a huge anti-climax. Pete and Simon spent the first three weeks on a football training scheme. They were too old and far too cool for antics at the den. We rushed down there on the first two days and re-lived old memories, but it wasn’t the same without them. On the third day, I had some errands to run so we arrived late, only to find two unknown boys, a little older than us, treating the place as though they owned it.
    The dark haired, stocky one seemed vaguely familiar – maybe I’d seen him at school. Taller than me, with spotty skin, the dark frown made him mean, moody and tough. The other one was taller still, slim and obviously in charge. The sun raised highlights in his blond hair, giving him the appearance of a young Greek god, and I felt a peculiar sensation inside.
    “Get out of here, this is our den,” he glanced at Chloe, “and no girls allowed.”
    “Get out yourselves, we were here first.” My defiance surprised the dark lad as I continued. “Where were you last year, or even yesterday?”
    “Well, it’s ours now, so beat it.”
    “What are you going to do about it?”
    Even before my challenge was out, he’d leapt across the stream knocking me to the ground. We rolled over as I struggled to get up, fending off his punches.
    “Leave her alone,” screamed Chloe.
    The other lad must have figured it out as he pulled his mate off me with a shout. “Stop it Justin, she’s a girl.”
    I’d been trying to land a few blows of my own, but was outraged by Justin’s next words.
    “Doesn’t look much like one to me.”
    Even through the hurt from his words I could see his point – he wasn’t the first to make that mistake, and it was even more marked than normal. Three weeks earlier, I’d discovered my little sister with a hoard of half-eaten sticky lollies. In my frantic efforts to get them away from her, one got tangled up in my hair, and I’d cut it out in a panic. Mum didn’t throw a fit as I expected, she simply marched me straight down to her hairdresser friend who chopped all my hair to the same length – ultra-short. So in my shorts and tee-shirt handed down from Simon, and with my height and build, I must have appeared more male than female.
    The dark-haired boy had a grim expression as he helped me up, but close up, I saw his eyes were kind. Chloe belatedly registered the situation, hugging me theatrically.
    “Come here, Danny,” commanded Justin.
    He complied with the resignation of one used to obedience. Justin whispered to him for a few minutes, and then planted himself in front of us with an implacable air. “If you want to play here you’ll have to join our gang. But first you must prove yourselves worthy by passing the initiation tests. If you fail any of them you’re out – no second chances. Are you up to it?”
    “Of course we are.” My answer was pure reflex. I didn’t stop to consider Chloe, who seemed doubtful.

    The next few days were tough as he devised new tasks for us: climbing trees and fences; standing one legged on the iron bridge for five minutes; jumping off the top of the stile – the list seemed endless. Each time he made me do it first, and then gave Chloe an easier option – a smaller tree, shorter time – even glancing away when she was at risk of failing. When I pointed out his injustice, he warned that if I wanted to be in his gang I must learn to take orders.
    I wanted so much more than to be in his gang. I wanted him to look at me the way he looked at her – or at least to like me. Lyrics about angels making a dream come true flitted through my head in Karen Carpenter’s velvety voice.
    The final test was to leap across the stream. This time Chloe was first, and he chose the narrowest part for her jump, which she managed easily thanks to previous practice. Then he walked down to where it widened out considerably and pointed to a place where the opposite bank was a foot higher. I took one peek and crossed myself, preparing to die.
    Chloe protested that no-one could jump there. I blinked back the tears of self-pity which sprang to my eyes.
    Justin saw them and taunted, “What’s up cry-baby? It’s easy peasy.” Then, to Danny, “Show her how it’s done.”
    Danny jumped across with ease and held out his hands. “Come on, Tina. I’ll catch you if you fall.” Not mean at all.
    I saw the scorn in Justin’s eyes as I walked away, but it was merely to get a longer run-up. I took a deep breath, counted down from five to psyche myself up, and started running. As I launched myself off the bank, Chloe screamed, ruining my concentration. My first foot landed safely, but the second hit the edge which began to crumble away. Chloe screamed again and hid her face in Justin’s shoulder, but Danny reacted quickly and grabbed my arm, hauling me up. The momentum was too much and we landed in a heap, gasping for breath.
    As we sat up, he touched my arm. “Well done. Knew you could do it.” A rare smile lightened his features.
    Justin sniffed. “Told you it was easy.” He walked away.

    So we were allowed to join, at first as honorary boys, taking the same identities: explorers; cops and robbers; cowboys and Indians – all the usual boys’ games.
    I had to admire Justin’s skill when it came to inventing new situations, making each one more authentic by the props he would provide – guns, swords, hats, even rope and handcuffs. As the days went on, however, Justin devised more and more games where Chloe starred as the heroine; a nurse trapped by the war or a kidnapped film star, and he played the hero who had to fight past Danny and I to rescue her.
    Eventually I got fed up with playing a man and being battered around – he didn’t pull his punches. At the end of one particularly rough game, I complained and surprisingly, instead of his usual sarcasm, he agreed.

    The next day, Chloe played a princess with me as her maid, he ruled as king with Danny a knight at court. Then they were highwaymen who captured us and tied us to a tree for ransom. Justin became a prince, leading to a spectacular fight before he could get to us. Exactly like in an action film, they leapt from bank to bank, up and down tree stumps and in and around the trees. Neither gave an inch as they fought with all their might – a real grudge match. Finally, Danny tripped on an unseen root and Justin made the most of his victory, crowing like Peter Pan.
    Then Danny became his squire and started untying Chloe when Justin stopped him with an imperious raised hand. “Wait – first she has to prove she’s the princess.”
    “How?” Danny seemed as surprised as we were.
    “She has to give me something.” His tone sounded dark.
    “But I haven’t got anything to give you.” Chloe’s expression emphasised her innocent tone.
    “Then you’ll have to give me a kiss.”
    “No,” I shouted. “Mum said you mustn’t.”
    “If you won’t give it to me, I’ll take it.” Justin delivered the line like a hero from a movie as he stepped up boldly and kissed her on the lips. Danny and I watched in a mixture of horror and fascination.
When he released her, his eyes slid over my body. “She’s only the maid. You may kiss her, Squire.” His lip curled as he turned away.     “But only if you want to.”
    This must have presented Danny with an awful dilemma. From what I’d seen of him so far, kissing any girl would be the last thing he wanted to do, but he seemed sufficiently sensitive to realise I would have been insulted if he declined.
    I closed my eyes and received his peck on the cheek with fists clenched against the humiliation of Justin’s stage whisper. “Ugh, it’s like two boys kissing.”

    That night, I cried myself to sleep, dreaming of being a slim, beautiful princess rescued by a prince. It wasn’t Justin, but a strong, handsome Danny who bent to kiss me.

Calamity Chicks 1.1

Some of the books in this series are billed as fairytale, but the entire series is a Cinderella story, because it never got the send off it deserved, overtaken as it was by the Time Doctors.

Calamity Chicks: Endearing, coming-of-age romances with lashings of adventure and a hint of spicy danger. Set in 70's Britain, they provide an immersive experience of growing up in a world without mobile phones and computers, but with the best soundtrack everrr!
#1 Tina's Torment - Ugly Duckling
#2 Chloe's Chaos - Goldilocks
#3 Linda's Lament - Reluctant Rock Star
#4 Helen's Hazard - coming in 2025

The first book in the series is Tina’s Torment – here’s a little more about it.

Would you tell your best friend?
On Chloe’s hen night, Tina has a dilemma: does she reveal what a rat her fiancé is and ruin what should be her happiest day ever? Or stay schtum and let him ruin Chloe’s life?

Best friends since juniors, their bond is threatened when they meet two cousins. Built like a Greek God, Justin is every girl’s heart-throb, but both Tina and Danny suffer his cruelty. High school turns Tina from a frumpy swot into a svelte high-achiever, but revenge is sweet when her inner disco diva attracts Justin’s attention – and Chloe's jealousy.

Tina’s hard work brings rewards as a blast from the past reappears with a mission – to make up for lost time. Being overweight and spotty, Danny never had the courage to stand up to his cousin, but now the girls on the sailing course think he’s a dreamboat. Tina is thrilled as he teaches her far more than how to sail, but his spiteful cousin isn’t done with them.
As college brings new adventures, all four are linked by dark secrets, and danger ensues as the monster seeks his revenge.

She’s All That meets Never Been Kissed with elements of The Duff

This cheeky piece of 70s British nostalgia features no less than three Ugly-duckling transformations, girl-powered escapes from hairy situations, a couple of unlikely heroes and the nastiest of villains. Feel free to boo and hiss.

N.B. A version of this story was previously available (from May 2014-May 2017) as part of a short story anthology called Triple Jeopardy, published under the pen-name Rowanna Green. There are several changes, adding mystery and reinstating all the yummy 70s songs some harsh critic made me take out. Now it's part of a series, you get to spend time with some of the other characters and see the other side of the story.

Back to School-itis

If you’re in England, you can’t fail to have noticed it’s back-to-school time, as evidenced by the plethora of ads for uniforms, stationary and the like.

For the rugrats, this is followed by the whole transition from long, sunny play-days to grey, rainy endless days of getting your soul sucked out by a bunch of thankless tasks. Or am I projecting?

For some kids, going back to school at the end of a long lazy summer can be traumatic. Anticipating a new teacher, classmates, grade, or school can trigger fear, anxiety, and depression - not to mention very real physical symptoms such as stomach aches, headaches, and insomnia. One doctor highlights various reasons for school-related anxiety, including fear of the unknown, academic pressure, social concerns, separation from family, routine changes, or past negative school experiences. He explained that while anxiety is a normal human response, it could affect sleep, appetite, mood, and school attendance if not addressed.

For some of us, this childhood pattern gets set and we never quite get over it, manifesting as weekend-itis, Sunday evening-itis, or my favourite, the Sunday scaries. I was surprised by how many articles I found on the subject, one blogger said "Mondayitis; back-to-work or school blues; the post-holiday comedown – these feelings snap at our heels on a Sunday night throughout life, whether children are in the picture or not."
Another said "Ever since I was a kid, I get a feeling of depression, emptiness and anxiety on Sunday nights. I think its pretty clear why, Monday, work and stress are coming the next day."

My own memories of Sunday evening go way back to being six years old, sitting under the hairdryer hood (which hung off the door because the stand broke), and definitely feeling unsettled. The thin-sandwich engineering degree had us alternating between terms at college and work placements, and I distinctly remember coming the closest I've been to anxious at uni, every time we swapped from one to the other. That is apart from taking exams, when I got so nervous I had to go in early to chuck up before it started.

I was okay through most of the 23 years writing software, apart from the three times I returned from a 6-month maternity leave. Now, of course, being retired means I'll never have to face those kind of stresses again.

My Top Thirteen Anthem Songs

The top 4 are songs which spoke to me on a visceral level – they were telling the story of my life (thanks, Billy J). The next half dozen have similar resonance – but in later years – they didn’t move me so much at the time.
Most of the others are in the list because they’re songs which make you (yeah, it’s not just me!) want to punch the air and sing at the top of your voice in absolute agreement of the song’s sentiment – this, I think, is the definition of an anthem. Some of them were turned into anthems due to their use in popular culture [film/TV/sports].

1. Argent – Hold your Head Up 1971
2. Helen Reddy – Angie Baby 1975
3. Janis Ian – At Seventeen 1975
4. Billy Joel – My Life 1978
5. Journey – Separate Ways 1983
6. Styx – Renegade 1979
7. Tears for Fears – Woman in Chains 1989
8. Waterboys – Whole of the Moon 1985
9. Deacon Blue – Dignity 1994
10. David Bowie – Rebel Rebel 1974
11. Bon Jovi – Livin’ On A Prayer 1986
12. Queen – We are the champions/We will rock you 1977 [A Knight’s Tale]
13. Tina Turner – Simply the best 1991/We don’t need another hero 1985 [Mad Max Thunderdome]

And the didn't-quite-make-its - many of which are quite universal.
Simple Minds – Don’t you forget about me 1985 [Breakfast Club]
Kate Bush – Running up that hill 1985 [Stranger Things]
Neil Diamond – Sweet Caroline 1969 [Big Bang Theory/England Squad]
Status Quo – Caroline 1971
Gloria Gaynor – I will survive 1978
Dexy’s Midnight Runners – Come on Eileen 1982
Bee Gees – Stayin’ Alive 1977
Skinner/Baddiel/Lightning Seeds – Three Lions/It's Coming Home 1996 [England Squad]

For those of you expecting to see things like ELO's Mr Blue Sky, try the Epic list here.
Another work-in-progress post I’ll be adding to as I remember stuff.