Decode: to Plight One's Troth is literally to Pledge One's Truth.
Almost everyone associates it with a proposal of marriage, and maybe, in a series of wedding-related blogs, this one shoulda come first. But such is life.
Hence we have a betrothal (literally, be true), nowadays known as an engagement, where you are affianced to your prospective wife/husband. Hence fiance. All good stuff.
So what did it mean back in medieval times? So many customs which modern women would find downright insulting - but back then, the fairer sex were naught but chattels to be bought/sold and used by our betters (i.e. men)
Eligibility
Once the marriage settlement had been agreed (between the families), there would be a betrothal ceremony. If one of the participants was a very young child, the betrothal wasn’t always binding. Effectively, where children had not yet reached the age of reason, it was much easier to wriggle out of a marriage alliance than after. Seven was regarded as the age of reason and after that time is was harder to break a betrothal. A full coming of age was twelve for girls and fourteen for boys.
One of my favourite scenes from a top-10 movie "Moonstruck" sees Cher demanding her hapless would-be fiance get down on bended knee while Bobo the waiter complains:
"She's got him on his knees. He's ruining his suit."
And then later, she gets another proposal from the guy's brother - the yummy Nick Cage.
via GIPHY
If you've never seen this ultimate feel-good family film, it's a start-to-finish romp about how not to plan a wedding. Utter Genius!
The Dowry
As in "money, goods, or estate which a woman brings to her husband in marriage."
Charming, eh?
Essentially, it meant the Father of the bride had to pay a bunch of money to a guy to take his daughter off his hands. Which is why, with five daughter's to offload, poor old Mr Bennet is such a quivering wreck for most of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. That and an overbearing wife ...
The closest we get to it in modern day is the idea that the bride's father should pay for the wedding. Although in my experience, it's way more likely the bulk of the cost is down to the couple getting wed, and some spend the first few years in hock to personal loans. Ah well, it's all good practice for when those sprogs start a-popping.
The exchanging of betrothal rings dates back to the ancient Egyptians, who believed circles were symbols of eternity. Wedded couples exchanged rings made out of braided reeds. These were worn on the left hand ring finger, which apparently had a vein that ran directly to the heart, later named Vena amoris.
Western European countries wear their engagement rings on their right hands, instead of their left. This is also common in England, France, Germany, and Norway. Russia and Canada also follow this tradition. Once you're married, tradition dictates that your engagement band be moved back to the third finger on your left hand. When you do so, your wedding ring should remain closest to your heart (where your spouse placed it on your wedding day) and your engagement ring is placed next to the wedding ring. Many of these traditions get passed down from generation to generation, but the meanings of the rings symbolize the same ideas no matter what finger the ring is worn on: love and fidelity.
During the Middle Ages, chivalry was not yet dead and formal courtship was the medieval version of modern-day dating. Kneeling was also the protocol for many ceremonial rituals and rites of passage, including those of the romantic kind. Medieval artwork and literature shows knights genuflecting before their feudal lord as a sign of honor and respect, or kneeling in front of a noblewoman to express their eternal servitude and admiration in a show of “courtly love.”
The Venue
Back then, the strict etiquette rules meant a young noblewoman could not be alone with her beau, so in theory, all proposals were in front of some manner of chaperone - and only after the suitor had sought (and gained) the approval of his prospective father-in-law. In most cases, this meant it would have taken place in some kind of "parlour" or equivalent of a drawing room.
For the peasants, there was a little more freedom, and it was not unknown for the proposal to be virtually on the way to the church.
Just like everything else to do with weddings, nowadays there is a huge variety of places - the more unusual the better, with people hiring musicians, sky-writing planes and people holding placards to ask the question. Rings can be hidden in a variety of receptacles from a banana to the bottom of a glass of champagne (hopefully with an anti-choke-hazard warning!) There are lots of ideas on the internet, I thought this was a great summary: https://www.stagweb.co.uk/blog/2016/01/25-awesome-marriage-proposal-ideas/, and I didn't get bugged by reams of intrusive ads - always a plus!
The Party
According to Wiki, olden-day engagement parties had the appearance of normal parties at which the father of the bride-to-be made a surprise announcement of the engagement to his guests. The engagement party had the purpose of sharing the engagement news with family members and friends. Therefore, it was not a traditional gift-giving occasion, as none of the guests were supposed to be aware of the engagement until after their arrival.
In ancient Greece, an engagement party was a commercial transaction. It was essentially an oral contract, made between the man who gave the woman in marriage (usually her father) and the groom. The bride was not present.
A Jewish engagement party is known as a vort (Yiddish: word). Breaking a ceramic plate at a vort is customary, symbolizing the permanence of marriage and mirroring the breaking of a glass at a Jewish wedding.
In the Scottish Gaelic tradition, a rèiteach was a betrothal ritual which typically ended in a dance party for the whole community.
The Timing
Long engagements were once common in formal arranged marriages, and it was not uncommon for parents betrothing children to arrange marriages many years before the engaged couple were old enough. This is still common in some countries. The duration of the courtship varied vastly, and was largely dependent on cultural norms or upon the agreement of the parties involved.
While I was researching, I found this - top ten marriage proposals from movies.
Not surprisingly, "The Proposal," and "Four Weddings and a Funeral" are in there, but can you gues the top three? Have a go before you watch.
Here's how the scene played out in 12 Days of Yule.
I was going for fun and originality - did I do it?
Jarl shuffled himself into a sitting position,
favouring his wounded shoulder, but regaining some of his former agility and
strength. He allowed Senna to administer the drink, then cleared his throat.
“Thank you. And good morn to you. As you can see, I’m feeling much better.”
She put
the beaker down and would have moved away, but he caught hold of her arm with
his good hand.
“Wait.
Before you dash off to start, I want you to know something.”
Tension
filled her body at his touch, but she did not pull away for fear of hurting
him. His smile was unexpected, but none the less devastating to her tenuous
defences.
“Firstly,
I don’t know if I should be affronted by the fact that you wake up in bed with
me and your first thought is to tend to my needs as a patient.”
Mischief
lit his eyes, and she mirrored it back. “What makes you think it my first
thought?”
He
laughed. “I choose to believe my own version of your other thoughts, and it
makes me bolder. Senna … dash it, I should be down on my knees.”
“I
recommend against that in your current state.”
“Always
the healer first but, I hope, the woman second. Senna, I love you dearly. I
have loved you since the first day with the pails and the yoke.”
“Stop,
Jarl. Before you go any further, I have to know the truth about you and Eanje.”
He
released her hand. “You know the truth. She was in trouble after her father
died, and Tavern held back most of her wages because she refused to act the
strumpet.”
“But that
was a year ago. Why did she continue to live in your house after Shayla and
Quinn left?”
“My
cousin asked me not to sell it. Quinn’s business means they need somewhere local
to stay for a few days every moon. So Shayla pays Eanje to tend the house. It works
well because I’m rarely there.”
“But when
you are …” She couldn’t finish the thought.
He
nodded. “I see. You think I am … With Eanje. No. Definitely not. I promise you.”
He shrugged. “The girl has no family to look after her. I have been staying in
the hut my father built for me when I came of age.”
“So you
are not … in love with her?”
“Absolutely
not. I could never love anyone but you. I have
never loved anyone but you.” His sincerity made Senna’s questions dry up, and
she glanced away.
Jarl
cleared his throat. “Will you do me the immeasurable honour of becoming my
wife?”
“Oh,
Jarl. You know I cannot.”
His face
crumpled.
After a
scant moment, he spoke, his voice a whisper. “Is it because you don’t trust me?”
Without allowing time for an answer, his words tumbled out. “I have been searching
my memory for the promises I may have broken, ever since he mentioned them, but
...”
“Who
mentioned promises?” She butted in, her tone cautious.
“No one.”
Again, he forged ahead before she could speak. “The only time which comes close
was at Beltane when I pledged I would stop fighting the raiders and start
training the militia instead. But I never broke that.”
“So why
did you go back up north a week ago?”
“Because
Dennon had a direct order from the council that he, Aleksi and I must join with
men from every village to support the troop at the border and repel a massive
force. But it turned out to be a falsehood. We had no chance, even before the
ambush.”
“I see.
In that case, you did not break your pledge.” A sly glance. “What else did
Lyran say?”
“That I
broke two promises and you could not trust … how did you know it was Lyran?”
“I know
he watched over you when you were away. He’s been with me for the past moon,
advising and protecting.”
Jarl
recoiled. “He said I attacked you in a dream.”
“I was
mistaken. It was Domenyk, wearing a glamour so I thought it was Lyran, then
you.”
“So, you do trust me, then?” He leaned forward
– barely an inch.
She put
her hand on her heart. “With my life.”
“And I
haven’t broken another promise to you?”
“Not to
me, no.”
“Then to
whom?”
Her lips
twitched. “To Lyran.”
“What? No,
that cannot be. I vowed to take care of you, and that’s what I’ve been doing. I
even gave up my livelihood for you. How is that breaking my pledge?”
“You
promised him you would be my husband.”
“How can
you know that?” He frowned.
“He made
you repeat it three times to make it an oath.”
“Oh. He
told you that?”
“No. I
heard him ask you on the day of our handfasting.” She echoed his embarrassed
expression.
“So
you’ve always known?”
“That you
made a vow? Yes.”
“That I
love you.”
She
glanced at him, mischief shining through her eyes. “Since that day with the
yoke. I would have worked it out by myself, you know.”
“Of
course I do. Now. But back then, I
just wanted to impress you with how strong and smart I was.”
A giggle
escaped her lips. “All I saw was a boy who respected his mother enough to learn
what she taught him.” She paused as he absorbed this idea, and could almost see
his mind wanting to ask the question she could never answer. Only one way to
distract him; she bent forward and kissed him, something she’d wanted to do all
those years ago when she was Lyrelie’s age.
He
stiffened, not a wise reaction with his wound. Then he allowed himself to
follow her lead, resulting in a kiss of such exquisite tenderness, her eyes
filled with tears.
She
finally had to breathe, so she pulled away, noting the moisture in the corner
of his eyes. “Ask me again.” Her voice caught in her throat, and it took him a
while to understand.
“Senna,
love of my life. Will you do me the immeasurable honour of becoming my wife?”
“Yes,
Jarl. I will marry you. As soon as I am able to.”
He glared
at her. “You mean …? Why did you not say that when I asked you earlier.”
“Because
I was teasing. If you’d waited, I would have added not until my mourning year
finished. But at least I now know you are doing it for the right reasons.”
“I said I
love you – is that not enough?”
“Men
speak those words lightly. I needed to be certain.”
“And now
you are?”
“Yes,
Jarl. I know you love me as I love you.”
“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go and see if the Archdruid is busy.” He threw aside the covers, but the action caused pain.
“Calm yourself. We have several weeks yet.”
“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go and see if the Archdruid is busy.” He threw aside the covers, but the action caused pain.
“Calm yourself. We have several weeks yet.”
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