Wedding Party Roles

Attendants of the Happy Couple

Ancient Roman law required 10 witnesses to be present at a wedding, which is considered a precursor to the bridal party tradition. Traditionally, in many countries, bridesmaids and groomsmen had to dress just like the bride and groom to confuse vengeful spirit presences (or real-life jealous suitors) who might try to harm the newlyweds.

Another origin story for the bridesmaid tradition is Biblical: When Jacob married Leah and Rachel, each brought her own “maid,” but these were personal servants who tended to the bride's every need. The bride was often accompanied by a child meant to symbolize a fruitful union. Flower petals tossed in the bride’s pathway were representative of the way to a beautiful future.

In a time in which “marriage by capture” was practiced, close friends of the groom would assist him in taking the bride from her family. They’d form a small army to fight off angry relatives so that he could escape with her. In some early traditions, the groomsmen were called Bride’s Knights, because they helped protect her—and her dowry, and her virginity—or because they assisted in her kidnapping.

Bridesmaids of the past also used to walk down the aisle with aromatic bunches of garlic, herbs, and grains to drive evil spirits away (and to help make things smell nice). Being a bridesmaid was considered a good way to procure a husband. In the 16th century, if you had served as bridesmaid three times without getting married yourself, it was believed that evil spirits had cursed you. To break the spell, you’d have to be a bridesmaid four more times, for a total of seven rounds on the wedding circuit.

In early Victorian times, tradition called for all-white weddings, so bridesmaids—who were supposed to be younger than the bride—wore white dresses with short veils, contrasting with the bride’s more ornate veil and train. By the 20th century, this had fallen out of favor, and the bride alone wore white to better stand out. Victorian bridesmaids were tasked with making party favors out of things like ribbons and flowers and pinning them onto the sleeves and shoulders of guests as they left the ceremony.

Historically, no person of status went out unattended, and the size of the retinue was closely calculated to be appropriate to the family's social status. A large group of bridesmaids/groomsmen provided an opportunity for showing off the family's social status and wealth.

Nowadays, the number of bridesmaids in a wedding party is dependent on many variables, including a bride's preferences, the size of her family, and the number of (family) attendants her partner would like to have as well.

The male equivalent of a bridesmaid is the groomsman, known in the UK as an usher from one of the original functions, that of escorting guests to their seats.

In some cultures, particularly in Europe, one (or more) of the bridesmaids can be a small girl, frequently carrying flowers during the wedding procession and known as a flower girl.

Parents of the Bride/Groom
Father of the bride: The Anglo-Saxon word "wedd" means a pledge or vow. This could refer to the groom vowing to marry the woman, or the barter money or trade agreement with the bride's father for his daughter. The bride's father would setup a contract with the groom, involving land, social status, or political reputation. A female child in those days was known to be property of her father and so the transferring of "ownership" to her groom on her wedding day was a legality. The tradition of "giving away" signifies that the bride's family no longer had control over her or her possessions (dowry) and her husband would take on the responsibilities and obligations her father once boasted. The tradition of taking his hand and placing the groom's on the bride's is symbolic of the "passing" of his property or duty.

Nowadays, the most common functions of the bride's father are to accompany his daughter to the church, lead her down the aisle where he "gives her away." He often gives some manner of speech thanking people for attending and toasting the bride and groom. In many weddings, he will dance with his daughter, and it is still traditional for the bride's parents to pay for the reception, if not the whole thing.

Mother of the bride: Historically, the bride's mother planned most of the wedding, organising the church, reception, catering, guests and accommodation for out-of-towners. Nowadays, many couples take care of it themselves, or engage a wedding planner. Great emphasis is placed on the emphasis of the mother's outfit, usually including a hat (or fascinator), and most mums will coordinate with the grooms mother to ensure their outfits do not clash or - horror of horrors - are identical.

Mother of the groom: There's a not-so-nice traditional saying about what the mother of the groom is supposed to do: show up, shut up, and wear beige. For most people, that saying is not true and there are some distinct responsibilities of most mothers of the groom, such as supplying a list of the groom's relatives, paying for certain events like the rehearsal dinner and, if he is keen, dancing with her son.


For more details about the history and roles of the wedding party, there are some great websites and books - I recommend you try:
https://mentalfloss.com/article/57821/21-historical-roles-and-responsibilities-wedding-party
https://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/bridesmaids-groomsmen-history

https://www.thespruce.com/wedding-and-father-of-the-bride-1270128

Save the Date: The Occasional Mortifications of a Serial Wedding Guest

The Time of my Life

Well, if you're doing a post about the wedding dance, there is only one song really ...
via GIPHY


But let's start at the beginning.
Back in medieval times, there would be dancing at weddings, but not as we know it.
For those of noble birth, there would be small entertainments throughout the feast, involving minstrels and musicians. After the feast (or sometimes between courses), the guests would join in the formal, structured dances of the time - like the one in A Knight's Tale.

For the peasants, it was more likely to be the local version of a "carole" - a chain dance with everyone joining hands  and moving in a circle to the left in an energetic romp. There may be a few percussion instruments like bells, drums and occasionally a lute or "gittern," like a guitar, but if nothing else, the dancers would accompany themselves by singing various songs.

The idea of the "first dance" originated in the middle ages, when the guest of honour normally performed a short dance with his wife as the grand opening to a ball. Research has brought up a number of different proposals for first dances:

• In 16th Century, a "country dance" would have been performed.
• In 17th Century France, it would have likely been a Minuet.
• 18th Century Debutante Balls frequently opened with a Cotillion.
• In Victorian Britain (19th Century), they preferred a Quadrille.
• In 19th Century Russia, a Polonaise would have opened an Empire Ball.

When did it become commonplace at weddings? Your guess is as good as mine.
I found this wonderful summary from Fiona Kelly:
"I love a first dance, however it’s done, and its particularly wonderful when it’s fun and heartfelt. A bit of action is always good to see, but a sweet dance between two people who are lost in each other is equally as lovely.
Sources I found tell me it dates back further to the days when the groom used to steal his bride and would show off his new wife to his friends by dancing her around the fire before the celebrations could begin. This evolved into the era when brides were bought from their fathers and the first dance would be a sort of fertility ceremony. Whereas now it’s generally considered a romantic moment, a continuation of a couple’s marriage vows to one another. Some couples find it a bit strange to have everyone stand and watch them dance, so often invite other couples to join in after the first verse and chorus."

And another photographer gave this advice: "Should you have the first dance at a wedding? The choice, Ladies and Gents, is entirely yours! But if you do decide to do something special and choreographed please please make sure to inform your wedding photographer and videographer beforehand!"

I would like to add another warning based on my own experience. The whole "First dance" thing was maybe not such a "thing" back in 1986, but whatever the reason, it didn't come up for us until the dj came to set up for the evening session. When he asked what to play for the first dance, my hubby and I named "our tune" - a song by Randy Crawford called "You Bring the Sun Out."
He didn't have it, so instead he played David Bowie's "Modern Love." It was horrible to dance to - way too fast, and I was a tad annoyed at the time, thinking he'd only picked it because one of the lyrics is "Get me to the church on time."
But I heard it on the radio the other day and my first thought was, "That was our wedding song." My second thought went along the lines of how cool it was to have a song by Bowie, who is a huge hero of mine, particularly since the movie Labyrinth (one of my top 5 movies), which actually released in 1986. There's some serendipity, right there.

Old, New, Borrowed and Blue

One of the most popular wedding day traditions is centred around what a bride should wear on her wedding day for good luck. The Victorians turned it into a rhyme: Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a sixpence in her shoe.

Something Old
Traditionally, the old item provided protection for the baby to come, warding off the "Evil Eye," thought to render women barren. The more modern meaning represents continuity, and contemporary couples use this as a chance to wear a sentimental piece of jewelry or item of clothing belonging to an older relative. Often the parents of the bride will gift her an heirloom before the ceremony.

Something New
This offers optimism for the future, as the couple enter into a new chapter in life. Buying new represents an investment in the relationship and a hope it will flourish. More often than not, both bride and groom shell out for a brand new dress and smart suit, or even top hat and tails. It can be any other item from luxurious underwear, jewellery or shoes.

Something Borrowed
The item borrowed from another happy bride provided good luck. Another countermeasure against the Evil Eye was to wear the undergarment of some woman who has been blessed with children. The belief was the clothes communicate fertility to the bride. Today, it is more often about honoring a loved one or holding onto something of sentimental value or an heirloom passed down for generations.

Something Blue
The colour blue was a sign of fidelity and, in medieval times, was worn by brides as a sign of their virginity. This has been replaced in modern days by white, and the blue item frequently takes the form of a garter, with its own traditions.

The wedding garter tradition originated in the Dark Ages. In Wedding Customs Then and Now, published in 1919, Carl Holliday describes medieval England: “The brides-maids start with the weary bride to the wedding chamber when suddenly the cry arises, ‘Get her garter!’... If the woman has been thoughtful, she has fastened it loosely to the bottom of her dress so that it drags in plain view of the scrambling ruffians; if she has not been a wise virgin, she may find her clothes in rags after the struggle.” For a guest, having a tatter of the bride’s dress was considered good luck. Modern traditions include the groom removing the garter at the reception (with his teeth!) and throwing it to the crowd of bachelors.

Sixpence in her shoe
The sixpence—a silver British coin—was a symbol of prosperity or acted as a ward against evil done by frustrated suitors. Traditionally, it was worn in the bride's left shoe.




Of course it is possible for a single item to tick more than one box, e.g. you could borrow an old blue handkerchief.

Tying the knot

More Medieval Wedding Traditions

The phrase "tying the knot" comes from the ancient tradition of Handfasting when a couple's hands were bound together by a rope, cord or ribbon to signify their bond to each other.

A line often included in church ceremonies, harks back to this tradition: What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.

Where the hands are bound with a single cord, several knots can be tied, each one with a corresponding vow or promise from both partners.

Alternatively, several different coloured ribbons can be used, each one being linked to a vow.

In modern handfasting ceremonies, the ribbons can be as simple or complex as required, and the celebrant works with the couple, exploring all the options to ensure the ritual is as simple or complex as they are comfortable with.

Here's the simple vows from Senna and Jarl's Handfasting: 

The Archdruid positioned them so their right hands gripped each other’s wrists. He bade them gaze into each other’s eyes as he wrapped the cord around her hand and Jarl’s forearms.
He addressed each in turn with the age-old questions. “Senna. Will you share in Jarl’s pain and burdens, seeking to alleviate them?”
She smiled deep into Jarl’s eyes. “I will.”
“Jarl. Will you share in Senna’s pain and burdens, seeking to alleviate them?”
“I will.” He copied her loving gaze.
“And so the first binding is made. “As he spoke, the Archdruid tied a knot, then crossed the two ends of the cord over and under their clasped arms.

At the next question, about using the heat of anger to temper the strength of the union, Jarl’s eyes flicked downward for an instant before he matched her steady gaze and unwavering answer.
The Archdruid completed the second knot.
Subsequent questions became easier as he asked them to share in each other’s laughter, looking for the brightness and positive. On the fourth knot, they promised to share in each other’s dreams so their spirits might grow in the marriage.
The final knot bound Jarl’s hand to her arm as they agreed to honour each other as equals in the union.

The Archdruid entreated the elements and deities to bless these hands in their quest to nurture and support each other. He smiled at the couple. “I now invite you to commit your vows and seal them with an exchange of rings, whose perfect circle represents eternity.”

Senna vowed to listen without judging, speak with kindness and forgive whenever necessary.
Jarl promised to honour, cherish and respect her.

Her second vow had taken a while to get right, and she hoped he understood her meaning. “Jarl. I will always accord you with the same level of honesty, trust and gentleness I demand from myself.”
A spark in his eyes said he’d recognised her unwillingness to apportion blame about the trust issues which prevented them from coming together sooner. He squeezed her arm subtly as he vowed to be generous with his time, affection and understanding.

 “Jarl. I promise to love, support and care for you for the rest of our days.” Senna took the ring Cora offered, pushing when it stuck at his knuckle.
As they’d discussed, Jarl pledged the same, adding, “no matter what life may throw at us.” He fumbled with the ring Alfun offered, nearly dropping it. His hand warmed hers as he slipped it easily on her cold finger. Then he defied tradition, kissing her hand to delighted chuckles.


And the more complex ones from Senna and Lyran's Handfasting: 
Yellow cord (air) - the element of air brings with it the communication, enthusiasm and spontaneity the couple would need to strengthen the equality of their union. They both agreed to speak with kindness and good humour, and to treat each other as equals in the union.

Red cord (fire) - the fire not only brings passion but courage, strength and occasionally anger. “Lyran, will you honour Senna with a bright, passionate love which is slow to anger?”
“I will.” Lyran’s eyes sparkled with fun.

Green cord (earth) - Alfun spoke of nurturing the tender sapling of their wedding with trust and honesty before he asked them to cherish and support each other.

Purple cord (divinity) - representing wisdom, peace and harmony. In turn, they each vowed to listen without judging and forgive easily.

Pink cord (love) - "This is the final, and possibly the most important binding, as it represents three things every person would require, in or out of wedlock. They are health, wealth & happiness.” Draping the cord over all the others, he addressed them together. “Lyran and Senna, will you promise to love without boundaries and share each other’s pain and burdens for the rest of your lives?”
“We will.” They answered simultaneously as he tied the final knot. “May these hands be blessed this day, and may they build a relationship founded in love, and rich in caring. Neither these cords, nor their knots form the bond of marriage; this is created by the vows you exchange.”

1: Him: to be generous with his time, affection and understanding, and slow to find fault.
Her: to be sparing in criticism, and generous in praise for things well done.

2: Him: to regard her with the deepest respect and use the heat of anger to temper the strength of the union
Her: to accept all weaknesses and frailties with understanding and consideration.

3: Him: to always share in her laughter and bring out the very best in her.
Her: promise to look for the brightness and positive in every situation and always to inspire and encourage him.

To find out more, you can read "3 Handfastings and a Burial" for free on Kindle Unlimited.

Nature's Tribe

A magical, medieval saga featuring “timeless issues of human nature.” Described as “Intense, mysterious and intriguing” with “Well-formed, endearing characters,” and “Clean, interesting story lines,” all four books are now available on Amazon, and free to read on Kindle Unlimited.

Set in the times of religious unrest and persecution of “witches,” it follows feisty midwife Senna and her friends through troubling times, fighting off arrogant, patriarchal attitudes and the ravages of the Black Death. But there is a shocking motive behind everything she and her family have to endure at the hands of a corrupt magister – a plot involving Gaia herself.

Medieval Wedding Cakes

In early medieval times, various symbols of fertility were thrown at the bride for good luck and prosperity. This could be anything from grains of wheat (or rice!), breadcrumbs, or cakes made of wheat. In some places, she (or the groom) would take a bite from the cake and crumble the rest over her head for good luck. Guests would then scramble around her feet to pick up the crumbs, in order to absorb some of that good luck.

Later, the tradition evolved into the bride pushing pieces of her wedding cake through her ring to the guests. Those in attendance would take that piece of cake home to place under their pillows for, again, good luck.
Another custom involved stacking various baked goods (pies, biscuits, cakes, scones etc) into the tallest mound they could manage.
If the bride and groom could kiss over the top without toppling the pile, they were assured a lifetime of prosperity.

Later (17th Century), "bride pie" became popular, which varied from sweet breads to mince pies or even mutton pie. A glass ring was often hidden within it, and whichever woman found it was meant to become the next bride.

Modern-day traditions involve throwing confetti, a tiered wedding cake and throwing the bouquet, each of these is a photo-opportunity. The cutting of the cake is a focal point at any reception today, a tradition rooted in history when the first cut was made by the bride to ensure the marriage would be blessed by children.

Other cake-related traditions include sending a boxed morsel of cake to all the guests/relatives who could not attend, and saving the top layer for the birth or christening/baptising of the first-born child.

Wedding cakes around the world
Many countries have very different ideas to the traditional fruit or sponge cake. A comprehensive list can be found at: https://www.theknot.com/content/a-world-tour-of-wedding-cake-traditions
Here are a couple of the more unusual ones:

Japan: Many Japanese use impostor cakes at wedding receptions. Made of artificial rubber or Styrofoam, these faux confections are iced with wax -- and even feature a slot for the bride and groom to insert a knife. While the impostors pose for photos, the real (less elaborate) cakes are cut in the kitchen and served to guests.

Greece: These days, most Greek couples prefer a flourless almond cake, filled with vanilla custard and fruit, and covered in sliced almonds. The traditional Greek wedding cake consists of honey, sesame seed, and quince, which is said to symbolize the couple's enduring commitment to each other. Sourdough wedding bread decorated with beads and blossoms is also a traditional treat.

Norway: Shying away from cake altogether, Norwegians serve brudlaupskling, a type of wedding bread first developed when white flour was a rarity on farms in Norway. Any food containing wheat was once highly prized, so the wedding bread was considered a true treat. Topped with cheese, cream, and syrup, this unique bread is folded over and cut into small squares and served to all the guests.

Lithuania: For many Lithuanians, the wedding cake is actually a cookie-like pastry shaped into a Christmas tree. Baked to a sunny yellow hue, the pastry, called a sakotis, is usually decorated with fresh flowers and herbs protruding from the top peak.

Indonesia: The cake traditionally served at Indonesia weddings is a massive, multilayered creation known as kek lapis. Typically made from layers of chocolate and vanilla, it dates back to the Dutch colonial period. Today's versions are often spiced with cinnamon and nutmeg

Oops - I did it again.

Someday soon, I hope I shall release a book without the self-sabotage which inevitably accompanies it. You'd think after following the release process 29 times, I'd have it sussed. Nope - the 30th time was the worst yet!

Couldn't be further from the truth. Finger trouble, network failure and sheer incompetence, that well-known threesome, combined to make this one the worst muck-up yet!
A wee while ago, I thought I was putting up the edited version of 13 Esbats of the Moon. Instead I managed to upload an old story I'd been sprucing up with the possibility of turning it into the final Hengist book. I'd copied and pasted the title page, from my latest, but not altered the title.
Must Check More Than Title Page!

Despite finishing the editing rounds 2 weeks ahead of schedule, I was still getting (really important!) comments from beta readers 2 days before the deadline. Did I upload it then, like a smart author would have done? No, I did not. Because it sometimes takes 3 days for a new version to upload, and 2 betas were close to finishing, I waited, wanting to get every last teeny-tiny-typo.
BIG MISTAKE.
An hour before the deadline, I spotted the last comment in my inbox - literally a "you" should have been a "your" (one of my very frequent offenders!)
So I added that r, pressed save and went to make a celebratory cup of tea.
On my return, the internet had thrown all of its toys out of the pram, and it stayed down for the remaining 55 minutes, each one of which was a combination of angry frustration, pleading promises and "why me?" tears. How many times in an hour can you reboot routers/laptops, connect to "secured, no internet" portals and fail to notice the big yellow cable which had dropped off? Lots. Tons. Stacks.

The result of this worst hour of my life in living memory? All those kind people who pre-ordered got a racy, (unpolished) military thriller with some decidedly unsavoury scenes instead of the sweet, clean medieval romance/cozy mystery they were expecting.
To add insult to injury, my failure to notice the credit-card expiry meant my copy was not delivered on the stroke of midnight and it was several hours before I figured why. Grrr. At this point steam was figuratively pouring from every available orifice. (Ewww - nasty image!)

Any minute now, the lovely Winston will have finished getting the rush-through re-pub finished and I can start telling peeps about this conclusion to one of the most difficult story arcs I've ever tried to write. So many ambitious threads from a cast of jolly-near GoT proportions (relatively speaking - there are over 13 different women all having a crack at the mic in this one).
Did I pull it off? Only smarties know the answer.

Mad GIF from Soangry GIFs